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I just learned that Pauline Baynes, illustrious illustrator of Lewis's Chronicles of Narnia and the Middle Earth wall map, among many other things, died this week. How sad. The official obituary her friend published is very thorough and quite moving, but I found his blog tribute more powerful because of the images of her artwork that he included. I cannot tell you, in looking at the tribute, how many of her images are fused into my brain from childhood exposure! Is it weird, then, that one of her images is what I was considering for my tattoo (or at least as a starting point for it)?

[I initially learned this at my friend's blog, The Painful Nowning Process. Thanks, Elizabeth, for posting about it. I hadn't known.]

The House is Quiet...

Yesterday afternoon

This afternoon
This afternoon

...without his collar jingling, without his heavy breathing, without his claws on the hardwood floor, without his lapping up half his water dish in a single sitting (and dripping it all over the floor and your pants). But he went quickly, and he is no longer in pain. And, as out of the main as the thought may be, I believe God will have our animals in heaven. (I'm used to being out of the main in things theological.)

Contemplatin' the nature of life; spring break last year

Sleepy. He was a leaner, and a hugger, and a paw-er.

Treeing the cat!

December 2006 -- we'd had him about two months. What a great white face.

He's our fourth Golden to have loved and lost. We do rescue. And I can't help it; I just always fall in love with the oldsters. They're always so cute, and so sweet, and so un-naughty, and so deserving. Our first oldster, a true saint, we had for four months before an undiscovered tumor took him. Our second developed seizures due to a cerebellar issue and died of pancreatitis; we had her for over a year, maybe a year and a half, during which time she went from being a coffee table to being a svelte red gal. Our third we had to let go of because rheumatoid arthritis finally caused his back end to stop working; I think we may have had him a year and a half to two years. And now we've had to let go of OldManDog, whose cancer recurred (this following two surgeries last year) and whose paw abscessed to the point where he couldn't hoist himself up anymore and had to be carried outside (this in the last two days). OMD is our longest tenure yet; two and a half years. We always swear we're going to get a younger one the next time, because this is just too hard. And then I go and fall in love all over again.

This spring break

Last spring break

Last spring break

I'm sure I'll tell you more stories about him in the coming weeks. Feel free to skip them if they get to be too much. But I'll keep telling them because it's the best way to keep him and his ball-playing goofiness alive in our hearts. We'll cry tonight and wake up puffy and headachey tomorrow. Thanks for making it this far through all the pictures.

Happy Mother's Day...

...to all the moms out there. We had a nice brunch on a nice patio, and nice conversation afterward at our house. Very mellow and low-key; just what we were all in the mood for.




In other news, OldManDog has taken a turn for the worse this weekend. We can't get the cyst on his paw under control; it continues to ooze, and yesterday he began limping on it. Today he could hardly walk; we had to help him up and even carry him a few times. Also, what we suspect is tumor in his rib area seems to be impeding his breathing. We're taking him in right after school tomorrow; I'd take the day off, but we're on special schedule and my kids take the AP exam on Wednesday. I've upped his dosage of pain medication this weekend.

We're pretty resigned to what tomorrow will likely bring. It's going to be hard to get through the day. My family said their goodbyes to him today after brunch, just in case. That unleashed the waterfall. I don't deal well with animal-related trauma, but I'd rather be sad than have him in pain.

Pre-Mourning

This gorgeous tree -- we've been told it's a carob, though I've not corroborated this claim -- is due to be axed on Monday. We've known this day was coming for several years now. This breed of tree, planted lo these many decades (fifty? sixty? maybe more?), has a tendency to rot out in the middle and then topple unfortunately onto homes and cars. They've had to do "root management" for thirty or so years, trimming roots and building up sidewalks to prevent trippage and breakage.

And yet...and yet...my heart cries for this beautiful, twisted, gnarled specimen of ent-hood. It kills me that it's going to be gone in two days! The gaping hole, the bare spot of sun, the gap-toothed appearance of the street will be so unnatural, so hideous. They're supposed to replant it with some ugly little tree that procreates nasty little pods that litter sidewalks and shred bare feet. Must city governments all be so stupid???

This is our neighbor's tree (the doomed tree), with our own version of the same tree in the background. Do any other trees in the city have such character? I think not. See how lovely they are as a pair? She (our neighbor) apparently the has the male gendered tree; we have the female. Hers puts out no mess; ours produces and drops these lovely seed pods all over our lawn for a month each year. I know it sounds like I'm complaining -- the pods are terribly inconvenient -- but wretch that I am, I'd miss them if they were gone. What else would bring the parrots (we have a wild flock that haunts our county) to our lowly tree each year, to squawk, scream, shriek, munch, drop half-eaten pods and fully eaten pods all over our lawn and sidewalks and cars?


I have such a hard time letting go.

Pennies for Patients

Our school is doing is annual fundraiser for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I decided to make it personal this year.

He's Home

Christian, the 14-year-old young man we've been praying for, has gone home to be with his God. The details from their CaringBridge site:


SATURDAY, DECEMBER 29, 2007 11:09 PM, CST
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. There is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day." 2 Timothy 4:7-8
His master replied, "Well done, good and faithful servant!..." Matthew 25:21
Christian earned his angel wings at 10:42 PM tonight in the arms of his family. We are beyond proud of the fight he gave, the courage he showed, and the faith he maintained. Our hearts are absolutely broken, but know he is pain-free in paradise.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/christianbarker

Now starts the hard work. Your prayers for this family who has lost a vital and precious young man will be most appreciated.

Survivor Mommy and her Christmas crew!

Survivor Mommy and her Christmas crew!
Originally uploaded by concretegodmother

While it seems death is ever-present at the moment (Christian is pending, Papa R went several weeks ago, a friend lost her baby at 8 months), this photo reminds me of the miracles God performs. Just a year ago, Survivor Mommy (my partner's sis) was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer that had metastasized to her liver and lungs. Her youngest daughter was just 2 months old at the time.

She had a colon-resection surgery in January, began chemo shortly thereafter, adopted an alkaline diet, and implemented measures to reduce stress. The doctors went from talking terminal to a more tempered outlook ("you can live with this") to shock ("I've never seen the word 'tremendous' used in a lab report before"). She claimed God's miraculous healing, prayers went up worldwide, the support staff went into action, and she is still with us.

God is indeed good.

Post-Christmas Post

I mentioned Christian in my last post. It appears his time is near, likely tomorrow. Let our prayers usher him into heaven. Let our prayers support and cushion his family. I. cannot. even. imagine. the. pain. [www.caringbridge.org/visit/christianbarker]

"Likewise, the Spirit also helpeth our infirmity; for we know not what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered." (Romans 8:26) I find it amazing that God Himself prays for us...to Himself. Wow. I know He's praying for the Barkers right now, as am I.