Ashes, ashes

Truly random bullets of Ash Wednesday:

• I did not see any students running around campus today with ashy black crosses on their foreheads. I did not see any teachers in a similar state, either. Nor was I among them, as our service is in the evening.
• Am I weird for noticing the ash particles falling from my forehead and the priest's finger to my nose? I've got an obvious cross-shaped black smudge across my forehead, but I'm worried about getting smudges on my nose. Really.
• It is surprisingly simple to make ashes for Ash Wednesday. I had to do it once, when I still attended Once-Amazing-Church-that-Tragically-Imploded. Take the palm fronds from Palm Sunday (of the previous year); put fronds into metal roaster pan; start gas bbq; place open metal roaster pan onto grill; flames will erupt of their own accord before long; allow fronds to burn down into ashes; allow ashes to cool; sift ashes and place in appropriate container. That's it; no tricks, no accelerant, no additives. One Palm Sunday's worth of fronds made enough ashes for several years.
• Psalm 143 was assigned this morning. Verse 10 in most versions reads, "Teach me to do your will, for you are my God." I prefer the way the English Standard version (the Authorized) puts it (as I often do; I am, after all, an English teacher and Shakespeare fan, so I love the old poetic language): "Teach me to do the thing that pleaseth thee; for thou art my God; let thy loving Spirit lead me forth in the land of righteousness."
• Lent is a time of both taking off and taking on, of shedding and adding, of retraining focus. It is not merely about deprivation and metaphoric self-flagellation. It's about portfolio diversification, as it were -- pulling resources out of less productive vehicles and reinvesting them in more effective and profitable funds. As it were.

Ah, well, Lent

It is upon us, even tomorrow. We availed ourselves of Shrove Tuesday (a.k.a. Fat Tuesday), courtesy of Claimjumper and a wicked messy burger. Hours later, I'm still full. In some ways, I think this Lent will be very difficult; in other ways, I feel very ready and welcoming of it. It is time once again to curb excesses and indulgences that have become too much a way of life. It is time to reorient my focus yet again. It's too bad that focus can't be permanent, but then I guess I wouldn't appreciate it so much if it were. May your own Lenten season feature a regaining of clarity and health for you, however you choose to observe it (if at all).

Random Bullets of Weekend

• Got grades done and in; had no sleep for it, but they're done-ish.
• Had several seniors who could not manage to get their research paper citations correct. Gave them zeros and made them re-do. Will change their grades once their papers aren't riddled with plagiarism anymore. You'd think by the time they were seniors, they'd get it...but you'd think wrong.
• In San Diego for POM's pottery conference. She's getting to see some biggies in the mud pie field. It's pretty cool. Learning some new techniques and clever tips. It's inspiring her to take her work to another level. Perhaps a workshop this summer....
• Got to meet up with a former college prof of mine (a.k.a. Feminist Prof) and her husband for dinner last night. Fun conversation, as always.
• Got to eat the "dirty tacos" about which I have actually dreamed, in which chipotle, pork, and lime meld into some sort of transcendent food of the gods. Oh, the honey-chile butter on fresh, warm tortillas didn't hurt, either.
• Usually prefer to watch the SuperBowl at home, but apparently will be watching it at a Mexican-food sports bar in Old Town someplace. Should be interesting. (Love the Saints and love their history, but I'm gonna have to scream for Peyton and the Hoosier Horses today.)
• Lots of rain again this weekend. Think it's stopped for today, but you never know around here. It's quite sunny at the moment, but it happened that way yesterday, too, and then it proceeded to pour off and on for the rest of the beautiful day.
• And best of all...tomorrow's no school! Heaven!

In grading hell...

...yet again. I'm just over halfway through my late-collected research papers. Fortunately, it's just one class, but I'll admit to be being sick of marking up Works Cited pages ad nauseam. We were so pressed for time at the senior level this past semester that none of us had enough time to teach this as well as we needed to. We hope to correct that in second semester. I get a new batch of seniors tomorrow for my second go-round of the new sci-fi class. The first semester turned out fairly decently, better than I had any right to expect. It took a while to teach them how to engage in the level of thinking I wanted from them -- you mean SF has a purpose? I just thought it was for cool special effects -- but they got there, or at least started to. We ended up with some good discussions in the last month of the semester. And Ender's Game blew them away, which made me very happy. Regardless of how you may feel about Orson Scott Card, no can argue that the novel isn't powerful and gripping. Some of my students said it was the best book they had ever read in school. Gratifying. However, I hate it when one class sucks the majority of my energies and time. Now perhaps I can go back to being a good teacher in my other classes, too. Perhaps? Please, God? My poor AP Lang students.

I can hardly believe that Lent is fast approaching and Easter is only seventy days away. It's OK, though. I feel ready for Lent. I need it. I almost want it. I need to clean up, cut back, refocus, retrain, re-prioritize. I look forward to our silent Lenten retreat. The focus last year was prayer, and it was earth-shaking, even for one who has been raised with church/God/prayer as daily, sometimes ho-hum realities. This year's focus is listening. I expect it to be just as powerful an experience.

Since school has drawn all of my energies, I have not made much progress on my thesis. I met and had dinner and conversation with two classmates last night, and it was the shot in the arm I had hoped it would be. The fondue was gorgeous, the wine plentiful, and the conversation soothed my soul and energized my brain. I love that. These ladies are amazing humans and teachers. I will have a couple of days "off" this month, and I think I may actually be motivated to use them to work on the thesis instead of burning them away by sleeping in extravagantly or devouring a novel.

The Benedictine group continues to be both a support and a challenge. They make me a better person, and a better Christian. I am reading a novelization of the life of St. Benedict, and his faith is so galvanizing. My own practice is so weak and pathetic in light of his, but rather than depress me, it inspires me. How much could we see accomplished if we actually believed everything God said about faith and about what God is willing to do for us and through us? Yet why does complete submission to God's will terrify me so? Probably because I'm a control freak. Heh.

Got to take pix of a dear friend's new son. His big brother (who isn't yet 3) is not so sure what he thinks about his new baby brother. He misses his daddy's lap and his mommy's undivided attention, to be sure. He'll adjust, I'm certain. But it was pretty funny, in a wry sense, to observe his expressions and body language as we took photos. Their adorable brotherly pix feature older bro looking off in the opposite direction, making faces, refusing to sit on the lap of the other parent (the floor was preferable). Yep, he's going to have some adjustments to make.

Finally saw Avatar. Did not really look forward to it. Knew I had to see because...well, just because I had to. Left the theater with a very different opinion. Yes, the dialogue clunked along in places; yes, sometimes it was Titanic in Outer Space; yes, the fact that the stupid 3D projector broke down 2/3 of the way through the film was frustrating and rant-inducing; but I love the movie. The vision of the luminescent forest was alone worth the price of admission. I look forward to seeing it again (for free, using the free tickets we got as a result of the projector break-down -- score!).

OK, so who could tell that I'm avoidance-behaving for all I'm worth right now? And it's true, though I can certainly rationalize my behavior by noting that I'm behind in my blogging (very much so -- so much for Project 52), and I have a lot to catch up on. Heh. All right -- back to more research papers on GPS, UAVs, and other military research projects. Fun stuff! To my faithful readers, I hope this finds all three of you healthy, content, and well. :-)

A Day Off

Beautiful, amazing rain today -- a true storm, with wild wind and lots of water. We get those so rarely here in SoCal. I hope the burn zones didn't wash away. We truly need this water, this refreshment of earth and air...and soul.

I was supposed to go to school today to catch up on grading and grade entry. Needless to say, it did not happen. Instead, I cooked -- pizza (for today) and soup (for the rest of the week; it's supposed to rain much of the week). And I read, finishing an Orson Scott Card book I have not read before (the first in his Homecoming series). And I caught up on a DVD of Fringe, which I'm enjoying a lot. And it was all good.

I could have used the day more wisely, however. I certainly engaged in escapism, and I was very aware of it while I was doing it. I do that more than I should. I always have very good explanations-to-self for it (I did grade for six hours on Saturday), but...when it comes down to it, I'm mostly just being rebellious.

OK, just one photo

The morning we left to return home, we swung through town to see the amazing, ephemeral, ever-changing sunrise. I had to jump out of the car to snap just a couple more. No, really, I'll only be a minute. Well, the 40-degrees-but-colder-due-to-wind (sans jacket) really did keep it to just a minute or two. (Nothing the butt-warmers in the new car can't handle in a moment's time.)

This'll be brief.

Mendo was gorgeous and mostly relaxing, as expected. Photo(s) will follow...at some point. I took nearly the whole of break truly off from school. Damn it if those stacks of grading did not shrink themselves while I was gone. Back to school. I had forgotten that Tuesday can sometimes be worse than Monday. I was happy to see the students on Monday, and they were mostly excited to be back, strangely enough. But today...meh. Tomorrow I become an associate of a Benedictine order. A friend asked on Sunday if I was excited. Not really. More scared, actually. Self-discipline is what I crave, and a rule of life is a very good thing...but I'm semi-notorious for not meeting my own expectations. The reassuring thing is that it is not a sin to fail to live by one's own rule, and no one will be judging me from on high or at eye level if I do not achieve all of my goals every day/week/month. It's a process, as is all of life, really, and I'm definitely taking baby steps this year in the things I would like to change, being realistic about the fact that all will not be perfect every day. I just wish it didn't feel like starting over every year. Some continuity would be refreshing.